Yesterday I posted part one in this story. But just to re cap quickly, my husband and I always planned and hoped for two children and when we got lucky with the pigeon pair the heaven’s seemed to be sending us a message. Just before our youngest turned one I was worried about where my feeling was… you know, that feeling you get when you know you’re done!! How do you know you’re done having babies?
I always thought there was a feeling you would get when you knew you were done having children and I was spending a lot of time and energy thinking about it. I was mourning the possibility I would never get to meet another baby. The time I had in hospital with E was magical both because I was in a lovely hotel (a wonderful program run by the hospital I was at) and because I was so much calmer the second time around.
I wrote yesterday’s post months ago just to get my thoughts out and nearly posted it at the time because I really wanted to know if there was a feeling or just something I had dreamt up like unicorns and an endless supply of ice cream.
In hindsight I think I didn’t post it as I realised I needed time. Within weeks of E turning one life got full on… she started walking and things seemed to ramp up and all of a sudden I was thinking there is no way I can handle three. It wasn’t just the warm and fuzzy of a newborn or getting to know a new person. It was the reality of raising little people and how much of you they need.
For the next couple of months I wavered back and forth with the whole yes I do, no I don’t…
Then this happened… I found out a close girlfriend was expecting #3 and I didn’t get all clucky. I am extremely happy and excited for her but don’t wish it was me too. So I was pretty sure there is a feeling and that I was getting it.
What brought it home to me happened a couple of weeks ago. I was feeling really crap, sick on the stomach, exhausted and anxious. I couldn’t think why but one afternoon I was feeling really sick and the thought washed over me…. OMG could I be pregnant?! I felt even more anxious and sick at the thought and it was then I knew I was done. I’m not and all is good but I think this was the confirmation I needed that our family is complete. Doesn’t the world work in mysterious ways!?
Never say never but the purpose of this is to talk about the ‘feeling’ I thought you got when you knew you were done and whether it exists or not…
The answer; Yes it does exist and whilst I think you can know you’re done having babies it’s hard for some to put a line in the sand and say that’s it… some need to leave it hanging in the air and never close the book so to speak. Also, I think wanting another and the reality of another are two very different things.
What are your feelings on the subject? Did you know straight away or did it creep up on you? Are you leaving the book open?
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