HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE DONE?

How do you know you're done small print

I wrote the below post back in June, a week before E turned 1. For some reason I didn’t publish it at the time. I suspect I was waiting for a bit longer. I have a slightly different take on it now and will share it with you tomorrow… I would love to hear your take on it in the meantime.

Aren’t you meant to know when you’re done?! Don’t you get a feeling when you’re done? How do you know you’re done having babies?…
 
Where is my feeling? It seems to have eluded me so far…
 
I am lucky. I have two very healthy and happy children. One of each, a boy and a girl… the pigeon pair.
 
So, my questions are…
 
Am I done or am I just mourning the idea of never meeting a new person? That first moment when you meet your little person and start getting to know them and watch their little personality shine through is the most amazing experience.
 
Am I not thinking about the reality of three children and three personalities and three sets of needs?
 
Maybe I’m looking back at the newborn phase with rose coloured glasses… the sleep deprivation, the hormones, the lack of routine…
 
Can I keep being this lucky? I have had two healthy and pretty good newborns. Am I tempting fate?
 
Could I really face another pregnancy? I was so, so sick with E and I swore I wouldn’t do it again, couldn’t do it again. It was hands down the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Being a first time parent included. I suspect that’s why I found the transition from one to two easier than I expected as I was so debilitated in the first several months of E’s pregnancy.
 
How would another one change the dynamic of my family? H and E are good mates and are like any siblings…they love and hate each other at times. What would a third do to that?…
 
The middle child syndrome… I believe it exists but don’t have any first hand knowledge. Can you avoid it?
 
Do I really have enough time to equally give each of the kids what they need from me and also try and have some time for me and N?
 
The sheer logisitics and cost of living having three children. Things like, bedrooms, clothing, feeding, schooling, transport, holidaying. All of that changes when you go from two to three.
 
My husband is done. Would I feel comfortable coaxing him into another? If I don’t will I feel I left something on the table?
 
Am I just on the hampster wheel of pregnancy, babies, toddlers and renovations? Since H was born we haven’t stopped. We bought a house when he was a month old, renovated before we moved in, moved in, fell pregnant a year later, started renovating again, had E, still renovating, E turned one and we’re still renovating… we are on the cusp of all renovations being complete and having two toddlers.
 
Do I really want one or am I just mourning never having another little person and should I sit back and relax and enjoy what is ahead of us?
 
Please tell me… Did you ever get a feeling you were done?, How do you know?, Any advice?
Jx

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Comments

  1. says

    We were done after #4 but someone had other plans. The final piece of our puzzle is now 15mths old, and while it took a lot longer to break free of that newborn haze, we love her to pieces. But we are done.

    • Jess - alittlepartoftheworld says

      Gorgeous Cate!! It just goes to show we are not really in control and you never know what’s around the corner. Our babies are similar ages. E is nearly 17 months. Jx

  2. says

    I was done” at a pigeon pair in the 70s. Then later I remarried a man with four kids.

    Done doesn’t always mean done over the full length of your life!

  3. says

    We’ve always said we would have 2 kids. We have one of each also. With my hubby working away I struggle some weeks. We are def finished with 2 kids. Miss S felt like she was the final piece to our puzzle. My brother has just had their first baby so I’m enjoying the cuddles and being an Aunty. 🙂
    I’m looking forward to next stage of having school kids and watching them learn so much

    • Jess - alittlepartoftheworld says

      I am looking forward to living vicariously through my girlfriend and her third who will join us next year. I am looking forward to the next stage too Leanne. Jx

  4. says

    I am done! Done! Done! Done! I know it, and I feel it. I would love a 3rd child. Seeing how our genes combined again to make a perfect little baby, those new born snuggles and the teeny tiny clothes. But that is the only reason why I want one. There are so many other factors about why we shouldn’t. Financially we can give 2 kids a good life, private schools and afford holidays. I think a third child would stretch our budget. Mentally and emotionally I wouldn’t cope with a third. Some days I struggle with the 2, so a third, pulling me in every direction, I think I would actually snap. Hubby is absolutely certain he only wants two. I just think there comes a time when you just know you are done. It doesn’t matter when your heart wants another and your head says no, I think you will just know. Somedays my heart yearns for a third, but my head knows better and wins that argument! I think just don’t dismiss it yet, see what happens as E gets older. I knew as Miss 3 got older and we left the baby stage behind, I just didn’t want to go back.

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